I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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