If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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