He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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