Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's always time for handjobs
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
