After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
