I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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