marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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