90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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