I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
