if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
