I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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