I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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