what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
