I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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