If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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