i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
