Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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