I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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