By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
