There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
