Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
