finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
