in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
