Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
