after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
