she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize