In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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