i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
