My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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