More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
40s are totally the cure
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
