are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
