Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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