She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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