I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
