I smell stomach acid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So squirting runs in the family.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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