I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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