She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
