I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
