I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
