My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
