So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
