Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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