this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
