no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
accomplished twins. life is a go
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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