I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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