the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
