What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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