i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
