I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
