from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
