just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
