I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
