I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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