What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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