Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
