I'm gonna have a badass scar
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
