I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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