i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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