sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize