i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
