Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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