You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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