Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
