I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
