you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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