he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
