Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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