they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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