we have officially lost it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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