so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
